| 65°F | 18°C | Hawaiians declare a two-blanket night |
| 60°F | 15°C | Californians put on sweaters (if they can find one) |
| 50°F | 10°C | Miami residents turn on the heat |
| 45°F | 7°C | Vermont residents go to outdoor concerts |
| 40°F | 4°C | You can see your breath; Californians shiver uncontrollably and Minnesotans go swimming |
| 35°F | 2°C | Italian cars don't start |
| 32°F | 0°C | Water freezes |
| 30°F | -1°C | You plan your vacation to Australia |
| 25°F | -4°C | Ohio water freezes; Californians weep pitiably; Minnesotans eat icecream and Canadians go swimming |
| 20°F | -7°C | Politicians begin to talk about the homeless; New York City water freezes and Miami residents plan vacation further South |
| 15°F | -9°C | French cars don't start and Cat insists on sleeping in your bed with you |
| 10°F | -12°C | You need jumper cables to get the car going |
| -5°F | -21°C | American cars don't start and Alaskans put on T-shirts |
| -10°F | -23°C | German cars don't start and Eyes freeze shut when you blink |
| -15°F | -26°C | You can cut your breath and use it to build an igloo; Arkansans stick tongue on metal objects and Miami residents cease to exist |
| -20°F | -29°C | Cat insists on sleeping in pajamas with you; Politicians actually do something about the homeless; Minnesotans shovel snow off roof and Japanese cars don't start |
| -25°F | -32°C | Too cold to think and You need jumper cables to get the driver going |
| -30°F | -34°C | You plan a two week hot bath and Swedish cars don't start |
| -40°F | -40°C | Californians disappear; Minnesotans button top button; Canadians put on sweaters and Your car helps you plan your trip South |
| -50°F | -46°C | Congressional hot air freezes and Alaskans close the bathroom window |
| -80°F | -62°C | Hell freezes over; Polar bears move South and Green Bay Packer fans order hot cocoa at the game |
| -90°F | -68°C | Lawyers put their hands in their own pockets |
